Guys, people of the male species, this is for you and I hope you're listening. Girls like bags. Girls love bags. That's all you need to know, and that's all you will ever need to know. As of late, I have had the misfortune of seeing the most beautiful bags ever made with gold trimmings galore and having to turn my back on them because I'm poor. At the same time, I have never heard so many complaints from boys about our obsession with purses. The first complaint: "do you really need that?" And the second complaint: "why are they so expensive?" Well, boys today I will give you the answers to these questions, so that you can stop being assholes and sucking all the fun out of a woman's life. Number one, do we really need that? Yes, we do. Just like guys who rudely find themselves glued to the basketball game at the bar of their girlfriend's birthday dinner while the entire party waits for him to come back to the table in his tennis shoes and stonewashed jeans; girls NEED to feel the beauty of baby calf leather draped around their arms. It's like giving birth in the wild; it's all instinctual. Number two, why are they so expensive? I'm gonna have to answer this question with some guy logic. Pearls of wisdom that work not only for every single guy out there regarding a self-respecting woman, but surprisingly also applies to purses; and that answer is "Who Cares? Just shut up and give it to me!" So there, tis the season once again to stop the whining and hit up the local Chanel, pop in and get that quilted bag with the gold chained handles for that special girl in your life. And as a tip, if you guys are still not convinced about the power of the purse, bags can also be interchanged with something called diamonds. Just saying.
Booty Shorts, Not Just for Jammies Anymore
Hollywood is a place where anything goes. Where there are valets at hotdog stands, 14 year olds in their Jimmy Choos for sunday brunch, and where celebs mingle with the regular folks at the local Crepeville. So opportunites to be surprised in the land of overindulgence is few and far between. However, I do manage to be shocked and horrified every week when I venture out into the Hollywood limelight and see lots and lots of booties, in lot and lots of tiny booty shorts. Black booty shorts with cowl neck hoochie tops and strappy sandals--the evening wear uniform for every La gal. For some reason, no matter how cute that chic La chick is during the day, she will undoubtedly be be beckoned by the sounds of booty shaking club kids everywhere to toss on her butt-cheeck exposing booty shorts. I know it's all about the junk in the trunk these days, but booty shorts? I have to say, i have a major problem with this. Sure, they're cute at home when you're lounging around, or when you're trying to seduce some guy into making out with you on "movie night," but to wear out?! It's like slutty slumber parties every night! I end a lot of my posts pleading for fashion offenders to stop what they're doing and get a grip. And this post is no different. I implore you Hollywood hotties and not-so-hotties to toss away those booty shorts and adopt cuter hoochie-wear. Like-- booty SKIRTS, they're just as slutty but less roach! Let's keep booty shorts in the bedroom, where they belong.
Hollywood and Opine
A Waste of Pocket Space
There have been complaints from some of my phashionable readers that there is not enough material addressing men's fashion, leading many of these guys to believe that they are not making tragic fashion mistakes that women secretly talk about and berate in private. Like those guys who wear gym shoes to the gym and then wear them later that night to dinner with jeans and a button down shirt. Unless, your button down shirt can magically change gym shoes into diamond penny loafers, you should only wear gym shoes to the gym, stupid! It is to these guys that this post is dedicated to. Every group knows these guy. These are the guys that make their dear friends stand outside with them at the coolest hotspot, as we beg the doorman to let our bum friend in gym-shoes in. If you are this guy with the gym-shoes problem, then you also inevitably have the hopeless "I will go anywhere and everywhere in cargo shorts" problem. And this boys, is definitely a more pressing matter. Don't get me wrong, cargo pants are great--if you're actually going to be moving cargo in them! However, they are not great to wear on a daily basis with the false belief that they look good or that they look "Abercrombie" cool. The cargo shorts are not what make a guy look "Abercrombie." A dude with huge pects, huge arms, and a tan standing in the middle of the ocean is what makes a guy look Abercrombie. I mean, yes, they're comfortable. I get it. Yes, they have those ridiculously oversized and worthless side pockets. I get that too. But they're roach! If you don't stop wearing cargo shorts for you, do it for us. We hate standing outside of clubs, begging the doorman to let you in because you look like the Big Kahuna in gym shoes. So, there you have it, cargo shorts are roach and they are not Abercrombie, please let them die. And don't even think about trying to class them up with a button down shirt--cause if it didn't work for your gym shoes...well you get it.
