This week, I'm devoting some time to the guys. Boys these days have become too dependent on black blazors over blue t-shirts as their uniform of choice in going out anywhere they will be seen by women. And so, I offer you another option--this ultra-cool Real Madrid Adidas track sweater. It's blue and style-ly and adds some much-needed flair into a yuppy guy's "I'm too cool for school" black blazor-filled closet. You can find it at Urban Outfitters for only $59.99. The best part is, you'll be sporting it AFTER Becks left team Real Madrid so everyone will think you bought it because you actually like soccer and not for his hot bod, which everyone will know is untrue because nobody in America really likes soccer--except other soccer players.
High Waisted Pants: The New Mom Jeans
It's high time to address a new fashion problem, the high-wasted pants. I've been on hiatus long enough, and nothing could have scared me back more than high wasted pants. Sometimes they have buttons, sometimes they have zippers, either way they're always roach. It's as though moms throughout America have somehow permeated into the deep depths of fashion and have convinced Dior and Dolce that Mom Jeans with white Keds are sexy. Sexy they are not. I understand that women don't want their muffin tops to be spilling out of the tops of their pants; but the solution to this problem should be to stop eating like a hungry hungry hippo, not turn to Urkel Pants. So, if you decide to turn to "fat clothes" and wear high wasted jeans; that's cool...but please don't try to convince pretty, skinny people that they're cute. And while you're at it, don't try to convince us that overalls are cute either...eeks.
Throw them to the Crocs!
Okay, so there is one thing that I hate more than moms in capri's and pastel and it's these Crocs. Apparently, they are supposed to be worn on your feet. These however not only do they not belong on the feet of any living being, but as quoted by JD, "I would not even stick those in my toilent because it would taint the bowl." It's as if people are trying to look roach on purpose and this goes way beyond that Boho Chic phase. I have been trying to wrap my brain around how these could possibly not look completely heinous and on what demented person. I mean even jelly shoes were cute at the time with jean shorts and a hot pink tee in the 80's, except maybe when your pinky toe fell out of one of the jelly slits--but even so. Point is, there was a possibility that jelly shoes could be cute. Just like those weird seat belt purses, when on a person other than me, could be not-roach. I can even forgive those girls who wear UGGS with jean skirts. But, Crocs on the other hand, are probably the roachest, most worthless and infuriating fashion trend I have ever lived through. First of all, they're rubber and they look like part gardening shoes and part bum shoes. Both of which have a longstanding tradition of being around a lot of poop. Second, what infuriates me the most is the fact that Crocs attempt to be cute by making them in pink and pearl. I can't believe I'm saying this, but even if they came in gold, they would still be roach. So, if you get the itch to buy these because they're "comfortable," calm yourself, sit down, and then walk yourself over to the geriatric store because even geriatric shoes are probably cuter than these rubber Crocs. Plus, when you're done with those white geriatrics, you can bedazzle them and then pass them down to grandma.
Buy of the Week: Coolest French Connection
Typically, if someone came up to me and said that they absolutely loved something from French Connection, I would have rolled my eyes and said "Lies!" This is because French Connection is nothing but high filooting, way too overpriced, wanna-be Club Monaco crap. But today my friends, I eat my words. Although, I still believe that FC is high filooting and way too overpriced, I cannot talk smack about the company that brought me this ultra slick, babydoll, glitterati disco dress. I assure you that this picture does not do this dress justice. In real life, it's got sequins, it got gold, its teeny tiny, and it's fantabulous with high high heels. It's $198 and is perfect for every occassion. And if you still have doubts about this dress, just try it on and give it a twirl. Twirl like a little girl with new red shoes, and you will see the magic of the golden sequins.
