Throw them to the Crocs!

Okay, so there is one thing that I hate more than moms in capri's and pastel and it's these Crocs. Apparently, they are supposed to be worn on your feet. These however not only do they not belong on the feet of any living being, but as quoted by JD, "I would not even stick those in my toilent because it would taint the bowl." It's as if people are trying to look roach on purpose and this goes way beyond that Boho Chic phase. I have been trying to wrap my brain around how these could possibly not look completely heinous and on what demented person. I mean even jelly shoes were cute at the time with jean shorts and a hot pink tee in the 80's, except maybe when your pinky toe fell out of one of the jelly slits--but even so. Point is, there was a possibility that jelly shoes could be cute. Just like those weird seat belt purses, when on a person other than me, could be not-roach. I can even forgive those girls who wear UGGS with jean skirts. But, Crocs on the other hand, are probably the roachest, most worthless and infuriating fashion trend I have ever lived through. First of all, they're rubber and they look like part gardening shoes and part bum shoes. Both of which have a longstanding tradition of being around a lot of poop. Second, what infuriates me the most is the fact that Crocs attempt to be cute by making them in pink and pearl. I can't believe I'm saying this, but even if they came in gold, they would still be roach. So, if you get the itch to buy these because they're "comfortable," calm yourself, sit down, and then walk yourself over to the geriatric store because even geriatric shoes are probably cuter than these rubber Crocs. Plus, when you're done with those white geriatrics, you can bedazzle them and then pass them down to grandma.