My new Dior glasses are one of my absolutely new favorite items ever made in the world...ever. They are so weird and cool and make me look like a life-size anime character. Major ups. However, the best part about these glasses was when I was buying them, the salesperson told me that Pharell and Rihanna also had them. Um ok. Sure, because I'm JUST like Pharell and Rihanna. Now, I'm not sure why this had anything to do with me since I'm pretty sure an Asian girl with a bowl haircut and blunt bangs has nothing in common with a guy so cool that people thought he was a vampire and pop star that is so cool that she can wear an old lady bra as a top and is BFF's with Jay-Z. As if, buying these Dior glasses will make me anywhere near as cool as them? I mean, nice try. I appreciate the effort though because I'm pretty sure that will be the only time in my lifetime that I will hear the names Pharell, Rihanna and mine in the same breath without it being a totally cruel joke.
I think it's the consensus among most people that anchovies look totally gross. They're grey and slimy they smell weird; and they're always placed right on top of a food dish that looks really good like pizza or Caesar salad. But I've just discovered that I kinda like anchovies and I think they have gotten a bad rap. They ARE totally grey and slimy and smelly, but yesterday I accidentally ate one and was surprised at how good it was with my salad. In fact, I think that if it didn't smell like rotten feet, it wouldn't have tasted as good contrasted with the already delicious salad. Classic case of ugly on the outside, beautiful on the inside. I guess it also helps that I'm the sort of ghetto Asian who eats Asian anchovies from a tin can smothered in tomato sauce with rice. Yeah, it's totally gross, but also totally delicious; especially if you're eating it while squatting on the floor of your apartment watching 80's game shows screaming "no whammies, no whammies!" That's Asian heaven right there.
My secret dream has always been to be a soap opera star. They seriously have the best jobs in the world. They get to be ridiculously bad actors in these awesomely ridiculous bad plots. I would die to tell some beautiful man with rock hard abs the words "you're not the baby's father" only to have the actual father be an even MORE beautiful man with even HARDER abs.
Recently, I've discovered a whole new kind of wonderful in the Asian dramas Boys Over Flowers and the Chinese version Meteor Garden. Unlike American soaps where the main plots focus on "who's your daddy?", Asian dramas love themselves a good old classic Cinderella story. The girl is always poor and sassy, the guy is always rich and kind of an asshole, and they always get into farcical and ludicrous situations before he goes running to find her in the end. I mean, somehow the girl ends up being the guy's personal maid in a full blown French Maid's outfit making him Ramen? Huh? But somehow, I'm totally buying it. The only thing that I was not buying was when the girl gets offered credit cards and money to be with this incredibly gorgeous millionaire who wants to worship her and buy her presents all day long and she refuses. Instead, she goes to live in a fishing town to sell rice cakes and coffee. Yeah right! First, no beautiful millionaire wants to worship a girl that is not Giselle Bundchen; and second, there is no way a girl is saying no to a guy that looks that beautiful in a fur stole. The correct response to that situation is: call me a kept woman and let me know if you need my social security number for those credit cards!
Dear God, please never let this ugly shoe trend go out of style...EVER. Otherwise, this is the cruelest joke you've ever played. Girls, watch out for serpents and apples. You do not want to eat from this tree of knowledge, because I'm pretty sure I would be horrified by how this actually looks without my "trendy" goggles on.