I was shopping the other day and went into one of my favorite stores to browse around and after finding a couple of things that I thought might be cute, I went into the dressing room to try them on and then seconds later immediately walked out. Why? Because I had forgotten that it was one of those stores that don't have mirrors in the dressing room. Instead they have a huge communal mirror that everyone who is cute preens in front of, and anyone who is not cute is put on display like a hippo at the zoo. Sometimes to avoid leaving the room I'll try to see myself in my iPhone first before preening in front of the communal mirror in front of the other hot peacock bitches. Do you know how impossible it is to try to look at yourself in a full blown outfit in what is basically a black postage stamp? I end up just making a judgment call based on my face and the neckline, which is not very accurate at all because I can never see what my postpartum National Geographic, milk leaking boobs looks like stuffed inside the crop tops I have on. I think I speak for a lot of shoppers when I say all I want when I try something on, is a room, that is private, with its own mirror. You know, where there's no shame, no embarrassment and no accidentally showing your butt cheek in a micro mini dress because you didn't know your butt cheeks were hanging out because you couldn't look at yourself in the mirror before going out in public to look at yourself in the mirror. I don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's a lot of things that I'm getting used to postpartum. I won't bore you with the post birth pain or the fact that my once youthful and beautiful lady bits now looks like what my best friend A.P. calls "huge flesh colored cauliflower." Yup, pretty much. However, it is funny to me all the things that are keeping me up and in. It's literally my little secret. I was out and about the other day when there was a gentleman cat caller screaming "give me some of that!" I don't think he knew what "that" was underneath my pink mesh outfit. Because I'm pretty sure he would have been grossed out by"that" had he seen that "that" was actually me in high waisted mesh underwear, giant triple maxi pads, an old lady girdle, a nursing bra, milk-leaking boobs and bleeding nipples. Yeah man, be careful what you wish for.
How lucky am I to get to wear this Marchesa Notte Pre-Fall tulle and satin dream? Pretty lucky. I'm so excited to show you a piece from the pre-fall collection that is absolutely gorgeous. The tulle, the overlay, the beading and the wind make for a most perfect dress for a perfect evening out. My favorite thing in the world is a good leather jacket and I love tossing it on a ball gown to make myself look pretty but also a little badass. And that is what this dress is pretty badass.
A couple days ago I ran into my friend Joseph on the street that I had known many years ago. It was one of those amazing conversations that you have on a sunny day, where you catch up on all the things that you've done for the last three years. He was apparently a karaoke star in San Mateo now and I was about to take a last weekend trip that won't involve baby poop. So lots of exciting news. We talked for 20 minutes and then we hugged, made empty promises to get together soon and then went our separate ways. Except that when I left, I realized that I was not talking to my friend "Joseph"; I was talking to my friend "Isaac"! What the hell, I had been calling him Joseph for 20 minutes! "Joseph, you are so funny!" "Omg, Joseph, I totally remember that night!" "Joe, you're the best, let's get drunk on Rosé soon!" God bless Isaac, he didn't even have the heart to tell me when we left each other that I had called him the wrong name the whole time. That will, of course, be the last time we ever see each other, because there's really no explaining away the fact that I had forgotten his name and then randomly just made up some other name to call him. I mean what kind of friend is that? And what would I say the next time I see him? Oh hey, about the last time we spoke, sorry I forgot your name and then called you by some completely different name because that's the first thing that popped into my head?! I think it's better to let this friendship die than to put ourselves through that awkwardness. #notworthit.