I love Polos. I love them in every color and every brand. They're comfortable, they're cute and most importantly, you can pop their collars at any moment. But there is nobody on this planet Earth that loves polos more than Dads. More specifically, balding dads with their red baseball caps, chinos, and navy polos. And these very same dads love nothing more than to be wearing their navy polos COMPLETELY tucked into their chinos. I simply do not understand. Like moms who suddenly have an affinity for cropped pants and pastel, when a guy passes the age of 35 and becomes Dad, his polos end up tucked into stonewashed tapered jeans with a black belt around his nipples. I mean the the red cap covering the receding hairline--fine. The chinos because you can't wear boot-cut, stylishly damaged Diesel jeans--I'll accept that too. But what is the benefit of tucking in your polos and buttoning them up to your neck? The answer to that is nothing. Nothing, except that it's roach. So there, if there ever was a reason to dump your hubby for a younger guy there it is. Ruining polos for everyone. Well that and man-dals (roach male sandals with all the slits and Nike swooshes everywhere--ick). And if they're worn together, get yourself an Ashton Kutcher pronto! Cause even a lifetime of trucker hats is better than cargo shorts and man-dals.
Bags...Why ask Why?
Guys, people of the male species, this is for you and I hope you're listening. Girls like bags. Girls love bags. That's all you need to know, and that's all you will ever need to know. As of late, I have had the misfortune of seeing the most beautiful bags ever made with gold trimmings galore and having to turn my back on them because I'm poor. At the same time, I have never heard so many complaints from boys about our obsession with purses. The first complaint: "do you really need that?" And the second complaint: "why are they so expensive?" Well, boys today I will give you the answers to these questions, so that you can stop being assholes and sucking all the fun out of a woman's life. Number one, do we really need that? Yes, we do. Just like guys who rudely find themselves glued to the basketball game at the bar of their girlfriend's birthday dinner while the entire party waits for him to come back to the table in his tennis shoes and stonewashed jeans; girls NEED to feel the beauty of baby calf leather draped around their arms. It's like giving birth in the wild; it's all instinctual. Number two, why are they so expensive? I'm gonna have to answer this question with some guy logic. Pearls of wisdom that work not only for every single guy out there regarding a self-respecting woman, but surprisingly also applies to purses; and that answer is "Who Cares? Just shut up and give it to me!" So there, tis the season once again to stop the whining and hit up the local Chanel, pop in and get that quilted bag with the gold chained handles for that special girl in your life. And as a tip, if you guys are still not convinced about the power of the purse, bags can also be interchanged with something called diamonds. Just saying.
Booty Shorts, Not Just for Jammies Anymore
Hollywood is a place where anything goes. Where there are valets at hotdog stands, 14 year olds in their Jimmy Choos for sunday brunch, and where celebs mingle with the regular folks at the local Crepeville. So opportunites to be surprised in the land of overindulgence is few and far between. However, I do manage to be shocked and horrified every week when I venture out into the Hollywood limelight and see lots and lots of booties, in lot and lots of tiny booty shorts. Black booty shorts with cowl neck hoochie tops and strappy sandals--the evening wear uniform for every La gal. For some reason, no matter how cute that chic La chick is during the day, she will undoubtedly be be beckoned by the sounds of booty shaking club kids everywhere to toss on her butt-cheeck exposing booty shorts. I know it's all about the junk in the trunk these days, but booty shorts? I have to say, i have a major problem with this. Sure, they're cute at home when you're lounging around, or when you're trying to seduce some guy into making out with you on "movie night," but to wear out?! It's like slutty slumber parties every night! I end a lot of my posts pleading for fashion offenders to stop what they're doing and get a grip. And this post is no different. I implore you Hollywood hotties and not-so-hotties to toss away those booty shorts and adopt cuter hoochie-wear. Like-- booty SKIRTS, they're just as slutty but less roach! Let's keep booty shorts in the bedroom, where they belong.
Hollywood and Opine
