There have been complaints from some of my phashionable readers that there is not enough material addressing men's fashion, leading many of these guys to believe that they are not making tragic fashion mistakes that women secretly talk about and berate in private. Like those guys who wear gym shoes to the gym and then wear them later that night to dinner with jeans and a button down shirt. Unless, your button down shirt can magically change gym shoes into diamond penny loafers, you should only wear gym shoes to the gym, stupid! It is to these guys that this post is dedicated to. Every group knows these guy. These are the guys that make their dear friends stand outside with them at the coolest hotspot, as we beg the doorman to let our bum friend in gym-shoes in. If you are this guy with the gym-shoes problem, then you also inevitably have the hopeless "I will go anywhere and everywhere in cargo shorts" problem. And this boys, is definitely a more pressing matter. Don't get me wrong, cargo pants are great--if you're actually going to be moving cargo in them! However, they are not great to wear on a daily basis with the false belief that they look good or that they look "Abercrombie" cool. The cargo shorts are not what make a guy look "Abercrombie." A dude with huge pects, huge arms, and a tan standing in the middle of the ocean is what makes a guy look Abercrombie. I mean, yes, they're comfortable. I get it. Yes, they have those ridiculously oversized and worthless side pockets. I get that too. But they're roach! If you don't stop wearing cargo shorts for you, do it for us. We hate standing outside of clubs, begging the doorman to let you in because you look like the Big Kahuna in gym shoes. So, there you have it, cargo shorts are roach and they are not Abercrombie, please let them die. And don't even think about trying to class them up with a button down shirt--cause if it didn't work for your gym shoes...well you get it.
Buy of the Week: Coolest Adidas Guy's Track Sweater
This week, I'm devoting some time to the guys. Boys these days have become too dependent on black blazors over blue t-shirts as their uniform of choice in going out anywhere they will be seen by women. And so, I offer you another option--this ultra-cool Real Madrid Adidas track sweater. It's blue and style-ly and adds some much-needed flair into a yuppy guy's "I'm too cool for school" black blazor-filled closet. You can find it at Urban Outfitters for only $59.99. The best part is, you'll be sporting it AFTER Becks left team Real Madrid so everyone will think you bought it because you actually like soccer and not for his hot bod, which everyone will know is untrue because nobody in America really likes soccer--except other soccer players.
High Waisted Pants: The New Mom Jeans
It's high time to address a new fashion problem, the high-wasted pants. I've been on hiatus long enough, and nothing could have scared me back more than high wasted pants. Sometimes they have buttons, sometimes they have zippers, either way they're always roach. It's as though moms throughout America have somehow permeated into the deep depths of fashion and have convinced Dior and Dolce that Mom Jeans with white Keds are sexy. Sexy they are not. I understand that women don't want their muffin tops to be spilling out of the tops of their pants; but the solution to this problem should be to stop eating like a hungry hungry hippo, not turn to Urkel Pants. So, if you decide to turn to "fat clothes" and wear high wasted jeans; that's cool...but please don't try to convince pretty, skinny people that they're cute. And while you're at it, don't try to convince us that overalls are cute either...eeks.
Throw them to the Crocs!
Okay, so there is one thing that I hate more than moms in capri's and pastel and it's these Crocs. Apparently, they are supposed to be worn on your feet. These however not only do they not belong on the feet of any living being, but as quoted by JD, "I would not even stick those in my toilent because it would taint the bowl." It's as if people are trying to look roach on purpose and this goes way beyond that Boho Chic phase. I have been trying to wrap my brain around how these could possibly not look completely heinous and on what demented person. I mean even jelly shoes were cute at the time with jean shorts and a hot pink tee in the 80's, except maybe when your pinky toe fell out of one of the jelly slits--but even so. Point is, there was a possibility that jelly shoes could be cute. Just like those weird seat belt purses, when on a person other than me, could be not-roach. I can even forgive those girls who wear UGGS with jean skirts. But, Crocs on the other hand, are probably the roachest, most worthless and infuriating fashion trend I have ever lived through. First of all, they're rubber and they look like part gardening shoes and part bum shoes. Both of which have a longstanding tradition of being around a lot of poop. Second, what infuriates me the most is the fact that Crocs attempt to be cute by making them in pink and pearl. I can't believe I'm saying this, but even if they came in gold, they would still be roach. So, if you get the itch to buy these because they're "comfortable," calm yourself, sit down, and then walk yourself over to the geriatric store because even geriatric shoes are probably cuter than these rubber Crocs. Plus, when you're done with those white geriatrics, you can bedazzle them and then pass them down to grandma.
