Okay, so there is one thing that I hate more than moms in capri's and pastel and it's these Crocs. Apparently, they are supposed to be worn on your feet. These however not only do they not belong on the feet of any living being, but as quoted by JD, "I would not even stick those in my toilent because it would taint the bowl." It's as if people are trying to look roach on purpose and this goes way beyond that Boho Chic phase. I have been trying to wrap my brain around how these could possibly not look completely heinous and on what demented person. I mean even jelly shoes were cute at the time with jean shorts and a hot pink tee in the 80's, except maybe when your pinky toe fell out of one of the jelly slits--but even so. Point is, there was a possibility that jelly shoes could be cute. Just like those weird seat belt purses, when on a person other than me, could be not-roach. I can even forgive those girls who wear UGGS with jean skirts. But, Crocs on the other hand, are probably the roachest, most worthless and infuriating fashion trend I have ever lived through. First of all, they're rubber and they look like part gardening shoes and part bum shoes. Both of which have a longstanding tradition of being around a lot of poop. Second, what infuriates me the most is the fact that Crocs attempt to be cute by making them in pink and pearl. I can't believe I'm saying this, but even if they came in gold, they would still be roach. So, if you get the itch to buy these because they're "comfortable," calm yourself, sit down, and then walk yourself over to the geriatric store because even geriatric shoes are probably cuter than these rubber Crocs. Plus, when you're done with those white geriatrics, you can bedazzle them and then pass them down to grandma.
Buy of the Week: Coolest French Connection
Typically, if someone came up to me and said that they absolutely loved something from French Connection, I would have rolled my eyes and said "Lies!" This is because French Connection is nothing but high filooting, way too overpriced, wanna-be Club Monaco crap. But today my friends, I eat my words. Although, I still believe that FC is high filooting and way too overpriced, I cannot talk smack about the company that brought me this ultra slick, babydoll, glitterati disco dress. I assure you that this picture does not do this dress justice. In real life, it's got sequins, it got gold, its teeny tiny, and it's fantabulous with high high heels. It's $198 and is perfect for every occassion. And if you still have doubts about this dress, just try it on and give it a twirl. Twirl like a little girl with new red shoes, and you will see the magic of the golden sequins.
The Skinny on Skinny Jeans
Being a girl, I know how much we (girls) dress up to impress boys. So, I have petitioned a boy to comment on one of todays biggest trends--skinny jeans. On any given day you can find him in Converse shoes, a puffy jacket, and a face that looks like it is always illuminated by light--light that is emanating from his laptop companion. I also wanted to say that although I do not agree with Joel's views, he still does have valid fashion opinions despite the fact that he shops at Eddie Bauer. And I also wanted to say--Skinny Jeans Rock!!!
Ask Joel: The Skinny on Skinny Jeans
I have been asked to comment on the new skinny jean fad taking up space in malls and fashion magazines everywhere. I have seen some of the magazine pictures, I have walked the halls of one such mall, and surfed the annals of some cyber photos. I am prepared to make my decision on skinny jeans: it is the proverbial thumbs down.
The reason is twofold: 1) these jeans leave absolutely nothing to the imagination; and 2) they make a woman's (and potentially a man's leg) look like a piece of dental floss complete with tooth gunk -- the "knee".
A pant should allow room for movement. It should fit the leg, but not hug it like a Kuala hugging a ucalyptus tree. In the examples of the skinny jean I have seen, there has rarely been a defined butt and leg separation. But more of a crease where the lower buttock meets the leg and the skin bends and ripples during movement. This is not flattering. Clothes should help to accent bodies not blur the lines between parts and show them in their realistic state. If people wanted reality, why would they wear clothes?
Ladies (and maybe gentlemen) it is time to rethink the skinny jeans. Be wicked. Be wild. Be wider than the latest fashion fad.
j.d. (defining phashion since 11.06)
Buy of the Week: Most Awesome Gold Bracelet
Guys search far and wide for the perfect gift for the beloved women in their lives. And to this very day, even at this very second, it amazes me every time a guy wonders what to get his girlfriend. It's like, did these guys grow up living under a rock that was stuffed up a panda's butt?! Follow the blue/green box stupid! I don't know a girl whose heart doesn't beat a little faster and whose eyes don't sparkle a little brighter when they are presented that Tiffany's box with the perfect white bow. So, climb out from under that rock and get her this bracelet. The floating heart, the teardrop, the wave, the bean and the starfish--all in that beautiful 18k gold! Geeezus, it couldn't get any better if it came with Paul Walker shirtless on the beach. It's $1,800, and if you're a guy you better not be gasping because this bracelet is gonna buy you another 6 months with your girl--Schmuck!
