Mandals are those gross sandals with all those slits and velcro...why do all men own a pair?
I love Polos. I love them in every color and every brand. They're comfortable, they're cute and most importantly, you can pop their collars at any moment. But there is nobody on this planet Earth that loves polos more than Dads. More specifically, balding dads with their red baseball caps, chinos, and navy polos. And these very same dads love nothing more than to be wearing their navy polos COMPLETELY tucked into their chinos. I simply do not understand. Like moms who suddenly have an affinity for cropped pants and pastel, when a guy passes the age of 35 and becomes Dad, his polos end up tucked into stonewashed tapered jeans with a black belt around his nipples. I mean the the red cap covering the receding hairline--fine. The chinos because you can't wear boot-cut, stylishly damaged Diesel jeans--I'll accept that too. But what is the benefit of tucking in your polos and buttoning them up to your neck? The answer to that is nothing. Nothing, except that it's roach. So there, if there ever was a reason to dump your hubby for a younger guy there it is. Ruining polos for everyone. Well that and man-dals (roach male sandals with all the slits and Nike swooshes everywhere--ick). And if they're worn together, get yourself an Ashton Kutcher pronto! Cause even a lifetime of trucker hats is better than cargo shorts and man-dals.
There have been complaints from some of my phashionable readers that there is not enough material addressing men's fashion, leading many of these guys to believe that they are not making tragic fashion mistakes that women secretly talk about and berate in private. Like those guys who wear gym shoes to the gym and then wear them later that night to dinner with jeans and a button down shirt. Unless, your button down shirt can magically change gym shoes into diamond penny loafers, you should only wear gym shoes to the gym, stupid! It is to these guys that this post is dedicated to. Every group knows these guy. These are the guys that make their dear friends stand outside with them at the coolest hotspot, as we beg the doorman to let our bum friend in gym-shoes in. If you are this guy with the gym-shoes problem, then you also inevitably have the hopeless "I will go anywhere and everywhere in cargo shorts" problem. And this boys, is definitely a more pressing matter. Don't get me wrong, cargo pants are great--if you're actually going to be moving cargo in them! However, they are not great to wear on a daily basis with the false belief that they look good or that they look "Abercrombie" cool. The cargo shorts are not what make a guy look "Abercrombie." A dude with huge pects, huge arms, and a tan standing in the middle of the ocean is what makes a guy look Abercrombie. I mean, yes, they're comfortable. I get it. Yes, they have those ridiculously oversized and worthless side pockets. I get that too. But they're roach! If you don't stop wearing cargo shorts for you, do it for us. We hate standing outside of clubs, begging the doorman to let you in because you look like the Big Kahuna in gym shoes. So, there you have it, cargo shorts are roach and they are not Abercrombie, please let them die. And don't even think about trying to class them up with a button down shirt--cause if it didn't work for your gym shoes...well you get it.
One of these two top coats is chic and fantastic, and the other one makes a man look like an over-sized, demented Paddington Bear. Cold weather is upon us and we will soon be seeing guys putting on their peacoats and wool sweaters. All of which are acceptable--except one. I understand that there is not a lot of selection for guys in terms of winter-wear. There's blazers, puffy jackets and that one black zip up jacket that most guys and most definitely ALL Asian guys own from Banana Republic. But there's always the guys that will turn to the dreaded shiny black leather coat once they spot an overcast day. For these guys, they think that their leather jacket has magic powers that will turn their normal yuppie self into a gun-toting Sopranos gangster. You'll never be a gangster, especially if you are the guy that wears said leather jacket to clubs holding a strawberry garnished cosmopolitan, and wears thin-rimmed Prada glasses trying desperately to look "hard". So accept your yuppiness guys! Do yourself and women a favor and get that gorgeously pretentious black top coat that goes with your entire yuppy wardrobe. People may think that you're a rude, young, urban professional who spends money with reckless abandon...but that sounds pretty good to me.