This is exactly the third time that I have worn what I like to call my "forever boots". However, I know that winter has begun and as the weather starts to turn ever more frosty, these boots will be making a more prominent appearance in my daily wardrobe and that scares the bejeezus out of me. As you know, I have major boot woes, so I fear that once these boots are worn through I will have no other boot options that will fit my sad baby calves. So, I try to preserve them as best I can. Whenever I want to wear these puppies I go through a whole laborious process of taking them out of the box, removing the individually wrapped plastic on each boot, removing the giant pieces of scrunched up paper holding them up, spraying them down with anti-water protectant and then brushing the suede so that all the dust and debris come off. And I haven't even gotten to the walking part yet! They're so comfortable, but I don't want to stretch them so much that they get all huge and then slide down my calves, so I try to walk all straight-legged like Frankenstein! It's hard, I admit, but it's the cross I have to bear for my under-powered calves. C'est la vie.
You Can Do Black And Blue
Club Monaco coat and shirt, Paige denim leggings, Sam Edelman shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses
Between early 2000's and now, I somehow completely missed when it became perfectly acceptable to wear navy blue with black--when we all know that it is not. We've all seen those people who have gone to work in a black pencil skirt and then tossed on a dark navy blazer on top as if nobody would notice that they were TWO DIFFERENT COLORS. Two different colors that do not go together. You would politely ignore the situation surely, but in your minds I know that you were thinking about why she couldn't have just worn a matching black blazer to match her skirt, or worn a navy skirt, or a khaki skirt, or a gray skirt or any other color skirt that actually goes with dark navy. Look, I get it, they're close, but they're not close enough. And that is the reason why when you wear those colors together, you are suddenly caught in a mishmash of darkness that your brain cannot understand. I mean do you want to be blue or do you want to be black??? Pick one!
Well, I believe that I have found the perfect way to wear dark navy blue and black together in my new fur-collar coat. Basically, when you wear dark navy, a black fur collar accent is totally cute! Also, if you are able to wear a black fur collar, you can wear black pants too, and also leopard print shoes. For some reason, this is a recipe for amazing. All other navy and black combos I would still reconsider. Seriously, just pick one!
Changed out sunnies to Ray-Ban Wayfarers
Take Me Back!
Trina Turk tunic, Trina Turk matching bikini, Dolce Vita shoes, Shopbop Basic bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses
"Just close your eyes, click your heels three times and say 'there's no place like Puerto Vallarta, there's no place like Puerto Vallarta, there's no place like Puerto Vallarta..."
Stella and Dot, Anarchy Street bracelets, Anarchy Street, Melinda Maria, Baublebar rings
My Own Mexican Drama
Trina Turk tunic, Burberry bikini, Dolce Vita shoes, Shopbop Basic bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses
It's always funny to me when people are on a relaxing vacation with nothing to do and no work to think about what they will give their attention to. For me, my attention goes straight to all the other strange vacationers around me and getting embroiled in their everyday dramas. I know their schedules, where they like to lounge, whether they like sun or shade, what drinks they will order and who they will harass once they get bored. For example, I know that "Frumpa Dumps" will want the bed closest to the entrance so they can grab snacks easy. Mrs. Frumpa Dumps gets especially irritated if you bring her a beer and lemonade and (how dare they) it's a frozen lemonade. The "Ed Hardy Party" and the "Bug-a-Boos" (because they bug) are pretty normal, delightful pudgy Canadians until they get their first 10:00 am tequila sunrise in which case they turn into nacho-eating, crazed, entitled fatties ordering around the staff like they're the upstairs crew at Downton. Lords and Ladies they are not. And of course, "Crank Tank" gets up at the crack of dawn to save herself the best bed in the pool at 7:30 am, but will turn her anger on you when you stroll in at 11:00 am to the bed next door that you got because you used your Asian brain and reserved it by asking the nice pool man to do it for you for 50 pesos. There's also "iPod" who will plug their music into every bar and restaurant on the resort and force you to listen to their mid-life crisis house music. But my absolute favorite to watch was "Beefcake". He was a beautiful beefy Australian man who was on a romantic tryst with an American ex-housewife. It was very clear that he was out of her league, so everything they did was done under this veil of desperate love she had for him. At one point, she left the pool bed to sit on a lounge chair, until some hotties rolled in and then she was right back on the pool bed because she was a 45 year old divorcee, who as you know, are basically like wild animals. This woman was like a wildebeest, and this wildebeest was going protect her Tasmanian Beefcake.
These dramas have been my world for the last 7 days and I'm sincere in saying I'm going to miss it! So, my last frothy Miami Vice is dedicated to Frumpa Dumps, Ed Hardy Party, Bug-A-Boos, Crank Tank, iPod and Beefcake. May you always be a pain in the ass wherever you go because I'll be watching.
