Most Ridiculous J-Crew Buy of the Week

I have attempted to stop my madness regarding JCrew and their outrageous prices for outrageously roach clothes.  I almost wanted to even forgive JCrew for taking advantage of the average cardigan-wearing woman.  But how can I do so when an abomination such as this dress exists? And how can I do so when this abomination exists at the low low price of $2,000.00!!!!  There is no way that I can turn a blind eye from this feathers and rosette nightmare.  The feathers on the skirt, with the ruffle rosettes on top, and that paper mache looking fabric?! It's so weird! Not to mention totally roach.  I am so done with JCrew couture.  I mean, JCrew should stop pretending like they're Marc Jacobs and start acting like they're Gap. I am convinced that JCrew is doing this on purpose.  It's like when rich people get so rich that they get other people to cut their toenails for them every Tuesdays and Thursdays.  JCrew is gotten so powerful selling cardigans that they don't give a crap anymore; they're just gonna sell really ridiculous clothes at ridiculous prices.  It's so maddening, like this dress. There is no self-respecting woman that would wear this dress past the age of 7--the age when you're obsessed with making dresses out of paper mache.

Buy of the Week/Year: Valentino Flower Purse

This bag is so amazing, that it cannot only be the buy of the week, but I am going to make it the first Buy of the Century.  The flower: whimsical and chic even though you're carrying a huge gigantic flower for no reason.  The leather: so soft it's like human baby skin.  We needs it, and we have to have it!  I'm totally having a "my precious" Gollum moment right now.  And like him, I will not be ashamed to gnaw off some chick's arm to get this bag.  Just saying.

P.S. I am also in love with this Dolce and Gabbana bag.  It has a pink plastic chain shoulder handle!  What can I say, I fall in love easily.

The Target Market

Target by teapea19 on Polyvore.com

I have these cute gladiator sandals that are just adorable. I bought them about a year ago and I absolutely love them.  Well, I loved them until I saw approximately 2,375,857 in them.  I wondered how in just a year so many people had them.  Honestly, I really didn't care up until I saw some mom in capris and a pastel shirt wearing my sandals.  That was when I knew something was up.  It turns out that these same sandals shown above, have been mass produced by Target! Ok, everyone calm down and stop trying to shank me because you assume that I think I'm better than Target.  I don't think that I'm better than Target.  I love Target.  I love going there to buy soap, garbage bags, shower curtains, and toothpaste.  However, notice in that sentence I did not say I like going there to buy hoochie tops, dresses and sandals.  This is because most of the clothes and sandals there are roach.  Yes, this goes for those "designer" clothes for Go International for Target too.  Let's be honest, those "designer" clothes by Alexander McQueen or Jovovich-Hawk aren't exactly flying off the shelves.  Let's be even more honest, Alexander McQueen wouldn't exactly be Alexander McQueen if he were a designer for Target.  To be perfectly frank, I know that when you look at those designer clothes you're thinking exactly the same thing that I am thinking: those designer clothes look like Target clothes! That's because they ARE Target clothes!  The fashion lesson to be learned today is that once you see your beloved sandals at Target, that is the time you should retire them and let them die.  To assist you, I have compiled a list of other things that I have seen from Target that now has to die: Juicy tube dresses, fringe mocassins and various Steve Madden sandals.  Wear at your own peril.

Power Rings!

So what does an Amazon woman, a gigantic barbarian and a curly-haired Hobbit have in common?  Awesome accessories.  Wonder Woman had her gold indestructible bracelets, He-Man his glittering sword, and Frodo his magical ring of power.  This means that to be a superhero, all you need is 1. come from a magical world and 2. have a really awesome and beautiful accessory.  For now, lets just pass on number 1 and move straight into number 2--obtaining a really amazing piece of jewelry.  I myself just bought myself a Power Ring, and I suggest to anyone out there to do the same because it is not only awesome because there's  diamonds in it, but also because it reminds you to BE awesome as well.  For instance, your power ring can empower you find love, or to live out your dreams, or recycle more, or to quit your job because your boss is an asshole and gave you a bonus of $2.00 that was to be split in two payments!  Plus, I feel like the Godfather in my power ring--especially when I hold out my hand and make my boyfriend kiss my ring a la Marlon Brando. Whatever the reason, your Power Ring will empower you to do be better because it's pretty (like you) and mainly because if you don't succeed then you'll just be wearing a really expensive Failure Ring--and that would make you more pathetic than before. I know that there are people out there that think that buying things can't fix your problems. But then these are also the same people that say being pretty can't fix your problems.  Lies... it totally can!