Suri Cruise Inspires Kate Spade

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 I would like to preface this post by saying that I love Kate Spade.  And I don't think that she's only famous because she married David Spade's brother.  Well, not anymore at least.  But you have to admit, sometimes her stuff makes you go "Whaaa?"  It's like ladies who lunch on acid.  But what really gets me confused is why she chooses to design ONLY for Suri Cruise.  That has to be the case.  I mean, that is the only explanation for all the crazy Easter colors, bows and animal shaped stuff.  Last season, I tried on a Kate Spade scarf where one of the ends was a stuffed animal head. Yup, she went there.  I don't want to wear Pokemon around my neck.  Cute--for Suri Cruise!  Hello Kate Spade, I'm 30.  Make something for me!  To be frank, even Suri is about to grow out of that pink flamingo purse.  Nobody over three feet tall should be able to carry that bag.  She does however, make a mean wallet; she should definitely stay away from the scarves.

The "New" Powersuit

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I received an email from Guess today promoting their "new" powersuit with a girl dressed in that:  A crop top jacket and skintight white pants.  I need a suit that looks like that like I need an STD.  It makes me wonder where Guess thinks girls are going when they wear suits.  In case Guess, you don't know, girls who wear suits are going to work.  They are NOT going out to meet up with their homegirl, JWOWW.  Guess also suggested that if I were to wear that suit, that I also buy those shoes made of fishnet stockings.  To complete the look of course.  Also to complete the look, "dolla" bills in my g-string.

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Marina Much?

The SF Marina may be one of the scariest fashion places I've ever been to. The guys wear madras shorts and turqoise polos with their collars popped!  Yup, that happened.  And then there are the girls.  I could barely hold it together in the girl jungle of maxi dresses, baby blue pashminas and all things Lululemon.  Plus everyone there is a dirty blonde that wears their aviator sunglasses on their heads.  Why? I don't know.  Seriously, it's scary.  If you see a strange looking Asian chick with a bob haircut that's me.  I'm there because I love Barney's Burgers.  So to enjoy my Barney's burger I need a Marina outfit.  I had a friend who attempted a Marina outfit once.  She ended up giving up and getting a sweat outfit from Lululemon, which is now her only acceptable Marina outfit.  I refuse to have a $400 sweat outfit be the only clothes I can wear to the Marina.  I don't even work out that much.  So the above outfit from Aqua is going to be my next Marina purchase.  It's very pink, there are ruffles and there's a collar I can pop.  I think that covers a lot of Marina requirements.  And at $88 for the jacket and $88 for the dress, you can look douchey without paying douchey prices.  We loves it.

Onesie is the Loneliest Number

Your eyes do not deceive you.  They sell these.  They sell them at a website called Forever Lazy.  If you are so "forever lazy" that you have resorted to wearing a onesie, you should just end it. The only time human beings should be wearing onesies is when we weighed less than 10 lbs.  If you can remember the last time you wore a onesie, you were too old to wear a onesie. From the front, the woman looks demented and the man is clearly a serial killer.  And from the back, the back has a drop seat.  A drop seat means that you can tear open the butt portion...so you can poop while still wearing your onesie!  That my little dears, is not cute.  Really not cute.  It's not even novelty cute the way that adult women carry hello kitty purses novelty cute (which in all honesty isn't really cute either).  If you want to recapture your youth, go play on the swings, go eat some gummy bears, or go do something else that does not make you look completely crazy and demented.  Lets go back to a world where people wore Snuggies and Crocs when they completely gave up on life. Ah, The good ole days.