Guys search far and wide for the perfect gift for the beloved women in their lives. And to this very day, even at this very second, it amazes me every time a guy wonders what to get his girlfriend. It's like, did these guys grow up living under a rock that was stuffed up a panda's butt?! Follow the blue/green box stupid! I don't know a girl whose heart doesn't beat a little faster and whose eyes don't sparkle a little brighter when they are presented that Tiffany's box with the perfect white bow. So, climb out from under that rock and get her this bracelet. The floating heart, the teardrop, the wave, the bean and the starfish--all in that beautiful 18k gold! Geeezus, it couldn't get any better if it came with Paul Walker shirtless on the beach. It's $1,800, and if you're a guy you better not be gasping because this bracelet is gonna buy you another 6 months with your girl--Schmuck!
Stop the Madness!
I have decided that I want to single-handedly bring down J.Crew for emotionally manipulating the public into believing that they are allowed to charge high fashion prices for Gap clothes. This jacket is $2000. Yes, yet another roach jacket from J.Crew for 2G's. It's "hand-combed" Italian cashmere. Like me, you probably don't care if this cashmere is from Italy, or that it is hand-combed. I wouldn't even care if the hairs of the jacket were hand sheared by an Italian woman from the arms and legs of babies, nobody should pay $2000 for this jacket or anything else from J.Crew. I don't know where J.Crew has the balls to set these prices. It's like they think they're Prada except with cardigans and baby tees. So I ask you to stop the madness, and stop buying J.Crew! Go down five stores to a place called Gap, where jackets are mass-made and cost $39.99. Now, I know that this rant has less to do with fashion and more to do with my maniacal plan to rebel against J.Crew and so I will remedy that with one of my beloved fashion inside tips: Wear fake eyelashes when you party because they are the source of all my power, and if you don't wear them, then get DiorShow mascara by Dior--it's the best thing to come in a tube, for your eyes, pretty much ever.
Buy of the Week: Coolest Affordable Party Dress
Tis the season for Christmas parties and Christmas party dresses galore. No gal should ever be stuck in a red tafetta nightmare on the holiest day of the year. So, go out and wear something hot and chiffon like this dress from Nordstrom. It's only $62 dollars, so now you can't even say that you wore a roach dress because you couldn't afford something nice. Plus, there's built in bling with the silver neckline. Jewelry and a dress in one? You can't go wrong.
Oh! It's a Boombox Bag.
The holidays are coming and we are all feeling the pressure to buy all kinds of cool stuff for the people that we love and the people that we want to suck up to. For all these wonderful people, I have no idea what the perfect present would be. But I do know if one these important people is a woman, what the absolute wrong present would be. And that present would be a boombox bag. It's a boombox, it's a bag and it's probably one of the roachest most wasteful uses of plastic and PVC I have ever seen. Now, I'm not saying that this present is not perfect for everyone. If you're a 13 year-old girl who wears board shorts and flip flops and still chews Bubble Yum then there is a possibility that a boombox bag is perfect. But, if you're a 23 year old law student who has a blog about fashion--then a boombox bag as a Christmas gift serves only one purpose: spite. I know this because, when I was 23 I got this boombox bag as a Christmas gift from a person that I had broken up with the week before, that worked quite well in spiting me. What you do not see from the picture is that on the other side of the boombox bag, there were the letters g-e-t-t-o faux spray painted on. Yes, I agree it is not only "getto" but it's also ghetto. And with that, I release my ghost of Christmas past and wish for better more beautiful bags that do not also double as audio equipment.
