I have once again renewed my plans to single-handledly bring down J. Crew. Why? Because they are ridiculous. Ridiculous and also at the same time geniuses. Cruel, evil, geniuses. They have decided to prey on the most vulnerable class of women--the insecure, slightly chubby, cardigan wearing, Tory Burch loving, I-will-pay-for-any-and-all-things-paisley-and-pastel women. And now they are convincing these same women that this dress with plastic beads is worth $3,500.00. It's $3,500.00 and it doesn't even have Gucci, Chanel, or any other repectable logo painted all over it. That's because it's from J.Crew.
This means that if you bought this dress, you would say to anyone who cared to ask, that you bought this dress for $3,500.00 from J.Crew! "Is that Dolce? Chloe? Marc Jacobs? Oh, No, J.Crew." J.CREW?!?!? It's maddening. If that doesn't sound ridiculous to you, then in the words of Derek Zoolander's fashion nemesis, Mugatu, "I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"
But I hope that this is not the case. I hope that women are not being fooled by J.Crew and the pretentious bitches that thought they could get away with this. Therefore, I'm starting a revolt. I am going to single-handedly bring down J.Crew by supporting places that sell the same exact clothes. So, Gap, Old Navy, and JC Penney I throw my support to you. However, I will take it all back if the one woman who decided to buy this dress comes forward and gives me even one good reason why she bought this dress. Then, I will offer her some water for the copious amounts of drugs that she must be taking.