Tete-a-Tete

Zara faux leather skirt and shoes, Madewell tshirt, Ray-Ban sunglasses

I had a tete-a-tete with some Swedish meatballs today. They were served steaming hot with some mashed potatoes, gravy and that red IKEA sauce made of lingonberry; a berry that we all suspect is completely made up.

Something happens when you enter IKEA. First, you realize that for as long as you buy furniture from IKEA, you're never going to be a true adult, and that despite having a law degree that you will be relegated to spending hours putting together cardboard furniture by pushing in approximately 1,000 wooden dowels and using those ridiculously tiny worthless tools. Second, you always always stop into their cafeteria for the meatballs, even though you know that in the outside world the meatballs are total crap, that inside the world of IKEA, those meatballs are like $4.99 Kobe beef with gravy on top. That all the other food that they sell are basically just side dishes to the meatballs. So, imagine my surprise when the woman in front of me orders roasted chicken. Roasted chicken! With no meatballs! But that wasn't even the worse part. The worst part was when she indignantly asked the cashier for some "pan drippings" because her chicken was dry. I mean do you really want pan drippings from a place that sells the cheapest furniture on earth? Well do you?? Can you even have pan drippings from dehydrated chicken? And lady, of course your chicken is dry, it's a $3.99 chicken meal from IKEA! I mean this ain't no Boston Market. I will never know the answer to these questions, and neither will she because she threw her chicken out, which was the only correct thing she did while I was there. 

As for the furniture, here's to hoping that one day I will grow up and own adult furniture that comes fully assembled and delivered to my home at a place that does not also sell meatballs.

Maison Martin Margiela, Cartier, Baublebar and Brandy Pham rings, Anarchy Street, Svelte Metals, David Yurman bracelets, Michele watch

Cover-Up

Club Monaco denim shirt and bralette top, Gap jeans, Via Spiga sandals, Gucci bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses

Somewhere underneath all that denim is a bralette top. So, I mustered all this courage to wear a bralette top and nobody can even tell that it's a bralette top; which is probably the only socially acceptable way I can wear a bralette top anyways. (See my other bralette top musings here)

Svelte Metals bracelets, Svelte Metals, Cartier and my own rings, Michele watch

Svelte Metals

Madewell vest and graphic tee, Club Monaco skirt, Prabal Gurung x Target shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, Chanel bag

I've always been astounded by how every garment and pair of shoes is sized and is fitted for every shape person. Pants have waist size and length size, shirts go from xx-small up to XXLarge, dress sizes start at DOUBLE zero, you know, for those women who are the size of exactly two M&M's. But when it comes to accessories, it's one size fits all. As if somehow, Miss Double-Zero-Dress-Size can fit into a universally sized bracelet that is undoubtedly always the size of an elephant foot? It doesn't make any sense! My wrists and fingers are so tiny, that I have actually resorted to wearing infant children's jewelry. Which is fine, but there's only so many ID bracelets and religious Christian jewelry a gal can wear.

Luckily, I discovered Svelte Metals.  Svelte Metals is the coolest jewelry line made specifically for the small-appendaged (and regular sized people too). The sizes range from x-small cuffs and bracelets, to the ever elusive size 4.5/5 ring.  And the best part is, it's all really cool. All the items are chic, edgy, and so wearable. There's definitely more than just the typical teeny tiny gold band. So, if you're a stylish small wristed girl, you need not suffer anymore. Put down your infant Christian ID bracelet and switch it up for that hammered gold cuff because it will be oh-so fitting. 

All jewelry by Svelte Metals

All jewelry by Svelte Metals

All jewelry by Svelte Metals

Perforated Sweater Weather?

Club Monaco sweater, Citizens of Humanity jeans, Michael Kors shoes, Chanel bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses

This is a serious question: when can a person actually wear a perforated sweater? I ask because I love this blue sweater. It is one of my favorite sweaters I've ever owned BECAUSE it is perforated, but I'm having trouble finding the right time to wear this sweater. You would think that a perforated sweater would be absolutely perfect for a beautiful sunny San Francisco day out right? It was probably made for a beautiful sunny day out right? That all those holes were made to help you cool down in the heat right? Wrong, because you probably didn't think about the beautiful perforated TAN LINES that this sweater would give you, as you're stupid ass is hanging out at the Farmer's Market eating strawberries. No, you didn't think about that, until you got home and saw that your skin now looks like fishnet stockings. So wearing this sweater in the spring and summer is out. And obviously I can't wear this sweater in the winter because, hello, there's holes all over it and I would freeze. I can't wear a cami underneath it because that would be ugly and it still leaves my arms unprotected. And don't even suggest that I wear a skin colored long sleeved shirt made of panty hose because...well just because.

I guess this sweater will be in retirement and saved for those perfect hot summer overcast days where the sun is just barely peeking through all of those clouds and it's about to rain.

Chanel bag, Maison Martin Margiela, Brandy Pham and Baublebar rings, Anarchy Street and Jules Smith bracelets, Michael Kors watch