I had a tete-a-tete with some Swedish meatballs today. They were served steaming hot with some mashed potatoes, gravy and that red IKEA sauce made of lingonberry; a berry that we all suspect is completely made up.
Something happens when you enter IKEA. First, you realize that for as long as you buy furniture from IKEA, you're never going to be a true adult, and that despite having a law degree that you will be relegated to spending hours putting together cardboard furniture by pushing in approximately 1,000 wooden dowels and using those ridiculously tiny worthless tools. Second, you always always stop into their cafeteria for the meatballs, even though you know that in the outside world the meatballs are total crap, that inside the world of IKEA, those meatballs are like $4.99 Kobe beef with gravy on top. That all the other food that they sell are basically just side dishes to the meatballs. So, imagine my surprise when the woman in front of me orders roasted chicken. Roasted chicken! With no meatballs! But that wasn't even the worse part. The worst part was when she indignantly asked the cashier for some "pan drippings" because her chicken was dry. I mean do you really want pan drippings from a place that sells the cheapest furniture on earth? Well do you?? Can you even have pan drippings from dehydrated chicken? And lady, of course your chicken is dry, it's a $3.99 chicken meal from IKEA! I mean this ain't no Boston Market. I will never know the answer to these questions, and neither will she because she threw her chicken out, which was the only correct thing she did while I was there.
As for the furniture, here's to hoping that one day I will grow up and own adult furniture that comes fully assembled and delivered to my home at a place that does not also sell meatballs.