Yesterday I was at the nail salon getting my Tet New Year red mani and pedi, which is a great time for me because I get to relax and do my all time favorite thing which is ear hustle Vietnamese nail ladies talk a bunch of smack about every yuppy snatch in the room. Being Vietnamese with a bob haircut that makes my face look like a huge Chinese egg tart gives me a special power when I'm in nail salons: I understand everything that the nail techs are saying, but they don't know that I know because they think I'm a Chinese egg tart. It was a particularly exciting day yesterday because the young woman next to me came in for a polish change with dirty feet! I love when it's dirty feet day, because that's about as mad as they can get. The poor nail lady was in a conundrum because she couldn't wash the girl's feet first because she only wanted the $12 polish change, so she had to hold this girl's nasty feet the whole time and for 20 minutes all I can hear is a gaggle of Asian women scream the word "cheap" and how gross her big toe nail had grown to. So in case you were wondering whether or not you should wash your feet before you go for a pedi, you should. And in case you were wondering if they notice your your sour and crusty fee, they do. And if you are ever asking yourself "are they talking about me?" or "are they laughing at me?" or "are they commenting on how dirty and vile my feet are?" or "do they notice how much I tip after handling my crusty feet?" The answers to all of those questions are "yes." So, just make it a rule to always wash your feet before heading over and don't wear socks either. Last time it was a pedi and socks day all I could hear was a gaggle of Asian women scream "smelly" while laughing maniacally in the girl's face as the girl mouthed the words "what happened?" Because if you think you're that girl, you probably are.