Power Rings!

So what does an Amazon woman, a gigantic barbarian and a curly-haired Hobbit have in common?  Awesome accessories.  Wonder Woman had her gold indestructible bracelets, He-Man his glittering sword, and Frodo his magical ring of power.  This means that to be a superhero, all you need is 1. come from a magical world and 2. have a really awesome and beautiful accessory.  For now, lets just pass on number 1 and move straight into number 2--obtaining a really amazing piece of jewelry.  I myself just bought myself a Power Ring, and I suggest to anyone out there to do the same because it is not only awesome because there's  diamonds in it, but also because it reminds you to BE awesome as well.  For instance, your power ring can empower you find love, or to live out your dreams, or recycle more, or to quit your job because your boss is an asshole and gave you a bonus of $2.00 that was to be split in two payments!  Plus, I feel like the Godfather in my power ring--especially when I hold out my hand and make my boyfriend kiss my ring a la Marlon Brando. Whatever the reason, your Power Ring will empower you to do be better because it's pretty (like you) and mainly because if you don't succeed then you'll just be wearing a really expensive Failure Ring--and that would make you more pathetic than before. I know that there are people out there that think that buying things can't fix your problems. But then these are also the same people that say being pretty can't fix your problems.  Lies... it totally can!

Hurt So Good

Hurt So Good by teapea19 on Polyvore.com

I recenty got these black Miss Sixty gladiator shoes in the middle and I am totally obsessed with them.  They make me feel all Joan Jett cool but without the mullet.  There are however, two minor problems with these shoes.  The first problem is, the only thing that I look cool wearing them with are leggings. The second minor problem is that they make my feet bleed like a hemophiliac. Why, dear God, why do cute shoes ALWAYS have to hurt?  It's just another curse that cute girls have to deal with.  So now, after wearing the these shoes for just one night, I have two scars on my Achilles heel.  But, while my boyfriend was carrying me and my bloodied feet home that night, I knew that I loved them.  So, I am going to wipe the blood off of these puppies and take the pain for being vain, because before I know it, I'm going to be 57 in an Easy Spirit buying shoes for...comfort. Eeks.  (I have also included pictures of other similarly cute shoes that will cause scarring and blistering when worn--but that are also totally awesome.)

I'm Not Sure if it's Cute, But I Still Like It Buy of the Week

These are crab sandals and I'm not sure why but I am drawn to them.  I know they're not cute.  I want to say that they're fun and whimsical, but lets be real, they're roach.  But somehow, they're roach in a totally put together way.  I mean, there's a huge red crab on them for god sakes! They could be way worse, yet they look like they fit perfectly in any Kate Spade or Tory Burch collection.  And I'm sure that this item will be the "cool and sassy" thing that the Kate Spade or Tory Burch wearing chick would get. My only beef with them is why a crab? I mean sure, maybe it makes sense because you might go to the beach and a crab might latch on to your shoes? Because you went into the water in your $300.00 leather sandals?  That would be weird, like these crab sandals.

Most Ridiculous J-Crew Wedding Buy of the Week

Above is a $3,000.00 wedding dress from J.Crew.  $3,000.00!! From J.Crew! It shouldn't even be called a dress, it should just be called ruffles.  I am absolutely flabbergasted at a designer who would design such an abomination to not only wedding dresses, but to ruffles. And kudos to the chick that bought it and thought she wouldn't look fat and also ridiculous in it.  Major kudos to the gal that sold the dress to the bride and convinced her that she would not be ridiculed endlessly by her frenemies and would be forever known as "ruffles" for the rest of her life.  And snaps to the guy that married the chick that bought this dress because he had to pretend that the tears that he was shedding were not tears of utter disappointment for marrying an idiot who just flushed $3,000.00 down the drain on a bunch of ruffles.  All in all, this dress is a completely amazing example of how human manipulation works because obviously a normal person with eyes would not buy this dress out of their own free will for $3,000.00.  If you think that I'm wrong or if you think this dress is cute, please let me know.  I need to save you.  God only knows how much more money you're tossing out the window on stuff like ruffles, cowboy boots and any clothing that says "princess" on it.  Eeeks.