Most Ridiculous J-Crew Wedding Buy of the Week

Gross J. Crew dressAbove is a $3,000.00 wedding dress from J.Crew.  $3,000.00!! From J.Crew! It shouldn't even be called a dress, it should just be called ruffles.  I am absolutely flabbergasted at a designer who would design such an abomination to not only wedding dresses, but to ruffles. And kudos to the chick that bought it and thought she wouldn't look fat and also ridiculous in it.  Major kudos to the gal that sold the dress to the bride and convinced her that she would not be ridiculed endlessly by her frenemies and would be forever known as "ruffles" for the rest of her life.  And snaps to the guy that married the chick that bought this dress because he had to pretend that the tears that he was shedding were not tears of utter disappointment for marrying an idiot who just flushed $3,000.00 down the drain on a bunch of ruffles.  All in all, this dress is a completely amazing example of how human manipulation works because obviously a normal person with eyes would not buy this dress out of their own free will for $3,000.00.  If you think that I'm wrong or if you think this dress is cute, please let me know.  I need to save you.  God only knows how much more money you're tossing out the window on stuff like ruffles, cowboy boots and any clothing that says "princess" on it.  Eeeks.

Shoe-In

The time has finally arrived to store away your boots, UGGS, tennis shoes, and all those other shoes that that hide your feet, because hoochie-shoe season is in!! I love hoochie-shoe season because only hoochie shoes can make a hoochie outfit complete. Honestly, without the shoes girls are totally boring. What would a slutty girl look like without her plastic lucite heels? Or a nerdy chick without her 1997 Reeboks? Normal, that's what. Therefore, shoes are an important part in not just looking pretty but defining the person that you are. It's the same for guys. If I did a blind taste test and looked at only a guy's shoes I can tell almost everything about him. For example, if a guy wore black square-tip Kenneth Cole black shoes, I could deduce that he is 1. Asian, 2. an engineer and 3. single or dates the girl in the 1997 Reeboks because he is still wearing the same stuff he wore in high school now that he's 28. It's a sore truth, but true nonetheless. Moral of this story, get cool shoes so that other people think that you're cool! Now that I have given a true and viable reason to buy shoes, check out those hot $500.00 Christian Louboutins! If I do not have them, I will completely lose grasp of my personality and who I am. I also feel the same way about purses...and clothes...and gold bangles...

Buy of the Week: Bangles, Bangles, Bangles!

ippolita It's no secret that I love bangles. These Ippolita bangles, however, are extra spectacular because not only are they gold, but they also have gemstones!! Plus, Halle Berry wears them, and everyone knows that we should buy whatever it is that Halle is selling. Sure, she's been unlucky in love with that wife-beating baseball player and that one hot singer with the sex addiction. But, she's no Jennifer Aniston (whom we love too). Now it's all turning around for her. She's a baby's mama! And the baby daddy is some hot Versace model! See, these bracelets are magic and uber cute with a hot black dress or even just jeans and a tee. So, get them while they're hot!

Maxi Dresses: Just Cuter Muu-Muu's?

Maxi Dresses I have always wanted to wear maxi dresses. They're pretty, flowy, usually floral and at the same time completely roach on me. I don't know why!! I'm a cute, skinny asian chick that in theory should not only look cute in maxi dresses but in everything. So, I'm always befuddled when I put on a maxi dress thinking that I'm all kinds of greek goddess, when in reality I look like some demented asian mini-me.

My arms look bigger, my legs get shorter and I generally look roach all around. That's why I'm giving maxi-dresses a huge thumbs down. This is mostly because if maxi dresses are not the roach ones, that means that I am, and we DON'T like that. Thus, maxi dresses, I deem you roach, however, I give you a point for not having to suck in when I wear them.