It's that time again where I show you how ridiculous JCrew is with their "couture" crap, in an attempt to single-handedly bring them down. This crap seen here is some sort of bronze jacquard dress that I honestly don't really know where you would wear this to or in what era. I mean, the thing makes this tiny model look like a fatty and a peasant all at the same time. Imagine if a regular person wore this dress. She would look, well, huge. And bronze. The price you ask? Wait for it...$2,200.00!!!!! That's TWO THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! What the hell? When I see a crime like this dress, I feel like JCrew is personally trying to offend me, like the girl that wears a slutty white dress to a wedding. And like her, this dress and JCrew is insulting, maddening, spiteful and should DIE...at my hands!!! (What, too much?)
I have attempted to stop my madness regarding JCrew and their outrageous prices for outrageously roach clothes. I almost wanted to even forgive JCrew for taking advantage of the average cardigan-wearing woman. But how can I do so when an abomination such as this dress exists? And how can I do so when this abomination exists at the low low price of $2,000.00!!!! There is no way that I can turn a blind eye from this feathers and rosette nightmare. The feathers on the skirt, with the ruffle rosettes on top, and that paper mache looking fabric?! It's so weird! Not to mention totally roach. I am so done with JCrew couture. I mean, JCrew should stop pretending like they're Marc Jacobs and start acting like they're Gap. I am convinced that JCrew is doing this on purpose. It's like when rich people get so rich that they get other people to cut their toenails for them every Tuesdays and Thursdays. JCrew is gotten so powerful selling cardigans that they don't give a crap anymore; they're just gonna sell really ridiculous clothes at ridiculous prices. It's so maddening, like this dress. There is no self-respecting woman that would wear this dress past the age of 7--the age when you're obsessed with making dresses out of paper mache.
Above is a $3,000.00 wedding dress from J.Crew. $3,000.00!! From J.Crew! It shouldn't even be called a dress, it should just be called ruffles. I am absolutely flabbergasted at a designer who would design such an abomination to not only wedding dresses, but to ruffles. And kudos to the chick that bought it and thought she wouldn't look fat and also ridiculous in it. Major kudos to the gal that sold the dress to the bride and convinced her that she would not be ridiculed endlessly by her frenemies and would be forever known as "ruffles" for the rest of her life. And snaps to the guy that married the chick that bought this dress because he had to pretend that the tears that he was shedding were not tears of utter disappointment for marrying an idiot who just flushed $3,000.00 down the drain on a bunch of ruffles. All in all, this dress is a completely amazing example of how human manipulation works because obviously a normal person with eyes would not buy this dress out of their own free will for $3,000.00. If you think that I'm wrong or if you think this dress is cute, please let me know. I need to save you. God only knows how much more money you're tossing out the window on stuff like ruffles, cowboy boots and any clothing that says "princess" on it. Eeeks.