While on the island of Maui, enjoy the sun, the beach, the loco mocos, fish tacos and wearing your hoochie resort wear. Beware of Wanas (sea urchins) in the water and old misogynistic white men, who calls themselves "Coach" trying to sell you a timeshare. That's a warning I never thought I'd have to give. And yes, we went to a timeshare presentation because I am not above drinking soda, having a bad continental breakfast while listening to a timeshare presentation for 90 minutes if it's going to get me free drinks, dinner and a surf lesson later. It turns out, I got also got a tall order of man-splanations of what a fashion blogger is added to my entree. First, Coach--you can't call yourself a Coach if you're not actually coaching anybody. Second, when you ask me what I do for a living and because I'm in a crop top and I say I'm a fashion blogger and you don't understand what that means you SHOULD NOT say "oh, so you're a stay at home mom". Third, when I respond with "no, I'm a fashion blogger" DO NOT continue to diminish me and my passion/chosen profession by saying again "you being a stay at home mom is a job". Yes, it is Coach, but I didn't tell you I was a stay at home mom, I told you that I was a fashion blogger. I know, to you, it sounds bullshit, but if you're trying to sell me some timeshares, maybe you should keep that thought on the inside, you know? So you don't offend anyone, so you can sell more timeshares. Other acceptable responses could have been: "Cool! What is that? Lets look at some timeshares!" or "Great! lets look at some timeshares!" or "Lets just look at some timeshares!" And none of those responses should end with "I was just wondering how you make your paper." Why? Because if I don't make the paper doing this, then I'm back to being a stay at home mom because that's the only value I have in this world?
FYI Coach, I'm a fashion blogger, and bringing fashion to the world is a gift I'm giving. Also, I'm an attorney AND a mom. So suck it. Also, I'm not buying yo' timeshares and I took two sodas. #CoachToNoOne #CoachNeedsCoaching #ImTheNewCoach