The other day I was at a new boba tea place excited to order my usual "Taro milk tea, no sweetness, light milk, extra ice, no boba with grass jelly, matcha pudding and fresh taro." To my utter shock instead of an Asian teeny bopper ready to take my order, I was greeted by some white hipster with a nose piercing and a fully groomed beard. After I told him my order he told me, I had to order from their menu which not only DID NOT have Taro milk tea, no sweetness, light milk, extra ice, no boba with grass jelly, matcha pudding and fresh taro, but their boba teas were mixed in with a bunch of weird things like kale salads and buratta. What??!! There was no popcorn chicken, no fish balls, no deep fried tofu dunked in that ridiculously spicy chili powder. And then I got a little scared and realized that those SF artisanal coffee people were trying to infringe on my beloved boba teas! They're trying to make artisanal boba tea! I don't want artisanal boba tea! I don't care that my taro tea comes from some weird purple powder and that those tapioca balls are unnaturally way too chewy to have normal edible stuff in them. That's the beauty of the boba tea, the grossness! SF, you've gone too far, you can coffee, you can have juices, you can have bread, and you can have ridiculous artisanal workouts, but don't take my bobas! #I'mGoingToRipYourNoseRingRightOffYourFace!!