Perforated Sweater Weather?

Club Monaco sweater, Citizens of Humanity jeans, Michael Kors shoes, Chanel bag, Ray-Ban sunglasses

This is a serious question: when can a person actually wear a perforated sweater? I ask because I love this blue sweater. It is one of my favorite sweaters I've ever owned BECAUSE it is perforated, but I'm having trouble finding the right time to wear this sweater. You would think that a perforated sweater would be absolutely perfect for a beautiful sunny San Francisco day out right? It was probably made for a beautiful sunny day out right? That all those holes were made to help you cool down in the heat right? Wrong, because you probably didn't think about the beautiful perforated TAN LINES that this sweater would give you, as you're stupid ass is hanging out at the Farmer's Market eating strawberries. No, you didn't think about that, until you got home and saw that your skin now looks like fishnet stockings. So wearing this sweater in the spring and summer is out. And obviously I can't wear this sweater in the winter because, hello, there's holes all over it and I would freeze. I can't wear a cami underneath it because that would be ugly and it still leaves my arms unprotected. And don't even suggest that I wear a skin colored long sleeved shirt made of panty hose because...well just because.

I guess this sweater will be in retirement and saved for those perfect hot summer overcast days where the sun is just barely peeking through all of those clouds and it's about to rain.

Chanel bag, Maison Martin Margiela, Brandy Pham and Baublebar rings, Anarchy Street and Jules Smith bracelets, Michael Kors watch

Valentine's Day Grinch

Madewell tshirt, JCrew pants, Kenneth Cole heels, Ralph Lauren portfolio clutch, Ray-Ban sunglasses

Valentine's Day, like fashion has gone through trends. First, it was cool to celebrate Valentine's Day, then it wasn't cool to celebrate Valentine's Day, then you were considered a bourgeois consumeristic asshole if you celebrated Valentine's Day, and now I think it's finally cool again. To be honest, I grew up many years in the phase when people were all "Valentine's Day is so bullshit. Why would you only take one day to tell someone you love them when you should be doing it everyday." Blah, blah, blah. Unless you're out there ostentatiously spending and screaming how much you love your significant other every single day, you have no place to judge.

I am always confused by the Valentine's Day Grinches. I am especially confused if the Grinch in question is a girl, because she should love Valentine's Day most. Girls get candy and flowers and cooked steak dinners. Some guy I know even gave his girl a pair of Sigerson Morrisons. What's not to like? And let's be honest here, you think that guy is out there buying $500 strappy sandals for this chick on a random Tuesday afternoon "just because he loves her"? Keep dreaming. But on VDay, it's expected for guys to go over the top with all the consumeristic cutesy stuff we love. Yes Grinch, I can hear you out there screaming that Valentine's day should be about love and kisses, and not about presents and flowers. But you know what, I'll bet those same Grinches weren't the ones that got the Sigerson Morrisons placed next to a plate of flaming hot filet mignon, because you know that chick LOVES her some Valentine's Day. So I say girls should revel in it and everyone should stop complaining about the consumerism and let the people that love consumerism enjoy their day with the one person that they love. Everyone else, enjoy your yearly hug. 

Hermes, David Yurman, JCrew bracelets, Michele watch, Cartier, Baublebar, Brandy Pham rings

Heather Gray Day

Club Monaco coat and sweater, Joe's Jeans jeggings, Prabal Gurung x Target shoes, Giambattista Valli collar necklace, Ray-Ban sunglasses

You know how some days are so beautiful that you can compare it to a tangible object? Like the day was so sunny and beautiful like a great big sunflower. Or the moon was so bright and round like a bright diamond in the sky. Well, today I walked out and it looked like heather gray--the most boring gray in the world. It didn't even look dreary like a gloomy dark gray day. It was just heather gray like Costco sweatpants or concrete. So, I dressed the part in heather gray everything, which surprisingly looked really good even though it felt like I was walking around in a colorless black and white movie.

Giambattista Valli necklace, Cartier and my own rings

Madonna Monday Morning

Madewell denim jacket, Club Monaco sweater, Zara faux leather skirt, Tibi booties, Ray-Ban sunglasses

Today I woke up and had a Monday Morning Madonna Moment circa "Desperately Seeking Susan" except without all the lace, crazy hair, crazy make-up and plastic jewelry. So everything, except all the stuff that made Madonna's outfit cool.  It's like 80's Madonna Lite; which is how you should be emulating anything by Madonna anyways. Especially now that she's completely lost it and has the most pronounced and pointy cheekbone implants and chin job I've ever seen. But to be clear, I don't blame her one bit for her desperate craziness. How does a person like Madonna "grow old gracefully" anyways? You can't very well go from cone boobs and crotchless panties, writhing on a bed onstage with a barrage of beautiful gay men to Dr. Scholl's and button-ups drinking Earl Grey with her middle-aged retired dancer husband? No, as much as it pains me to say it, this freak phase that she's in is exactly what she should be doing. I would be pretty disappointed if she came out looking totally normal. Except for the cheekbones. Pointy cheekbones are just really creepy. 

Hermes bracelet, David Yurman and my own rings