How amazing is this dress from, wait for it…FOREVER 21!! It’s $22.00, gold lame (la-may), with gold lame flower embellishment. The trifecta of gold lamay-zingness!!! If this does not scream holiday party, I don’t know what does. I want it, and I want it now! And it’s the price of two lunches, which is perfect because you’re not going to need lunches if you want to fit into this dress. Happy Holidays!
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  The world as I know it has finally changed. This is because I have accepted UGG’s into my daily life and my daily ensembles. And not even those really snazzy UGG’s that are gold with the cute buttons. Just the normal ones! I have to tell you, living a life with warm feet is pretty awesome, especially in the winter. I used to ridicule everyone that walked by in ugly comfortable clothes. Now, I will still continue to ridicule these people, but I will try not to enjoy it so much, because those people just want warm feet! One of my friends who is still resistant to UGGs asked me if there were boots that were cute and also comfy. And I will tell all of you what I told her, “no, there are not.” Sorry kiddies, those “cute” boots don’t exist. Like Santa Claus, unicorns, or that really hot waiter that you’re dating who swears he’s going to make something of himself, cute comfy boots are an urban legend. There can NEVER ever be anything that is cute and also comfy. So, go get those UGGs for the winter, your feet will thank you. And don’t even bother trying to be cute by buying those snazzy looking UGGs, cause those are still UGG. You might as well strap on a Snuggie while you’re at it. (P.S., no. you do NOT look like that hot girl in the pic who’s wearing UGGs)
It’s that time again where I show you how ridiculous JCrew is with their “couture” crap, in an attempt to single-handedly bring them down. This crap seen here is some sort of bronze jacquard dress that I honestly don’t really know where you would wear this to or in what era. I mean, the thing makes this tiny model look like a fatty and a peasant all at the same time. Imagine if a regular person wore this dress. She would look, well, huge. And bronze. The price you ask? Wait for it…$2,200.00!!!!! That’s TWO THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! What the hell? When I see a crime like this dress, I feel like JCrew is personally trying to offend me, like the girl that wears a slutty white dress to a wedding. And like her, this dress and JCrew is insulting, maddening, spiteful and should DIE…at my hands!!! (What, too much?)
Halloween is the time to dress-up like a total whore and have it be completely expected. It is so expected for girls to be whores that everyone looks down on you if you ever showed up to a party in a normal costume. Last year I was Hermione from Harry Potter, and not sexy Herminone–just normal Herminone. Needless to say, wearing a a full cape in British children’s school clothes was not sexy. So, this year I have decided to embrace my inner whore and be a whore/bear. I will don this adorable bear hat and complete my ensemble in the above gold bikini. Let me know if you don’t like it, because they also have mouse hats, elephant hats and bunny hats. All of which match my gold bikini.
I hate winter. I hate boots cause they make me look like I have Ethiopian legs inside a giant’s shoe. I hate wearing sweaters and jackets because they hide all the pretty things about me. But now, winter is upon us and for the next three months I have to torture myself with wearing all kinds of stuff that hides my bust and my booty. In my desperate search for cute winter-wear I happened upon this really updated grandma sweater from Express. It is so warm and soooooo cute! With leggings or jeans, this wrap is very sensible. I already have it in grey and white–and soon, in zebra.
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Oh. My. God. The world has finally given up. People have completely surrendered their vanity for comfort. What else would explain these weird pink and blue hobo jackets? These women look like a demented scene from Napoleon Dynamite. One woman is ALONE watching tv in this “Snuggie” and the other woman is ALONE and pretending to talk on the phone with someone. I think these creepy pictures say it all. Here’s a tip, if you’re that cold and hanging out on the couch throw on a “blanket.” Blankets are just as warm as Snuggies and at the same time do not make you look like a serial killer.
I don’t know about you, but I used to think that Theory was just an over-priced Banana Republic. It’s like, you’ve seen one Theory blazer and skinny black jeans and you’ve seen it all pretty much. But, after seeing these two outfits at Theory, I change my mind and I kinda think Theory is awesome. First, I present this gold skirt. It’s gold and it’s short, need I say more? Second is the ruffle shirt dress. It’s a ruffle shirt dress! I don’t think that a dress could get any better unless it was a GOLD ruffle shirt dress that made you feel like an executive cleopatra. Who knows, it still might happen. Theory, bravo you’re finally a step up from Banana.
What ARE these? I mean, I think they’re shoes, but they can also be BCBG’s weirdest mistake. First of all, are those boots or is that a funky cow hoof? If they are in fact boots, then the person wearing them has a huge surprise because they’re feet are now going to look like funky cow hoofs. And are those pumps supposed to have that weird piece of cement stuck to it? It’s hard to believe that BCBG, the same designer that designs Herve Leger and 
This is my new love. I am obsessed with this purse, except that I have refused to believe that I could love a quilted purse that is not Chanel. I feel like I’m cheating! I want put it on the record that Chanel will always be the only quilted purse with chain handles that I will spend $3,000.00 for. With that being said, I would also spend $1,100.00 for this Marc Jacobs quilted bag. It’s so amazing, because it’s chic and edgy at the same time. Isn’t it the BEST?! Damn you Marc Jacobs, damn you. First the mouse shoes, and now you’ve made me a cheater!
I think that we can all agree that Marc Jacobs is a genius. His quilted handbags are beautiful. His clothes are always edgy, youthful and fun. To top it off, Marc Jacobs has kept Louis Vuitton relevant and modern as its creative director, when LV could have easily slid into the trenches of boring old lady bags like Ferragamo bags have. However, there are times when even I do not understand MJ’s fashion risks. For example, mouse shoes and one of the ugliest old lady bags I have ever seen in my entire life. As edgy as I think that I am, I’m definitely not edgy enough to wear mouse shoes. And that bag, I cannot comprehend it at all. It’s one old lady bag on top of another. It’s not even like it’s Marc Jacobs bags for Target, this bag is the real deal and it’s over $2,000.00 to buy it. So, this is where I’m not sure if Marc Jacobs is so genius that I don’t understand him the way that I don’t understand why Van Gogh chopped his ears off; or if these mouse shoes are exactly what they seem: really weird and ugly. Right now I will reserve judgment because these mouse shoes might be totally cute as part of a whole ensemble…an ensemble where the rest of your outfit is made of cheese.
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